


After The Fire

by spicydanhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, Hurt Phil Lester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phanfiction, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-10 02:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11117814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicydanhowell/pseuds/spicydanhowell
Summary: Phil is badly injured in a fire whilst Dan is away. Dan rushes to the hospital and finds Phil a nervous wreck. Can they learn to cope and bring back the old, carefree Phil?





	1. The Fire

(Thursday)

          Phil awoke in agony as the flames spread across his duvet and engulfed his body. The smoke detector was blaring a shrill warning as he bolted upright, and, in a rush of adrenaline, smothered the flames with pillows, blankets, and clothing, burning his hands and arms further. The room was filled with smoke but the small fire had gone out. Heart racing and in absolute agony, Phil collapsed onto his bedroom floor.

* * *

 

          Dan packed in a frenzy to depart from his family home in record time shortly after waking up that morning. It was only a few minutes past 7 am when he received the phone calls from Phil’s brother Martyn, the landlord, and the hospital. He left a scribbled note for his parents on the fridge, and called Martyn from the car to left him know he was on his way.

          _“I need you to brace yourself, mate. He doesn’t look good. It’s third degree burns over half of his body.”_

          “Is he stable? W-will he make it?” Dan began to tear up again.

          _“Don’t worry, Dan, they told us yes. He was found unconscious, but breathing. He’s still out, but he’s looking better, they say. They performed surgery to remove his dead skin, and he had to have skin grafts”_ There was a pause. _“Phil put out the fire on his own, y’know, probably saved his own life. He fell asleep with a lit candle on his bedside table. His table, sheets, and carpet caught fire, but nothing else. Seems like he woke up as soon as it started to spread.”_

          “That’s good news.” Dan responded somberly. He soon said goodbye so he could drive in silence and gather his thoughts.

* * *

 

          Phil’s eyes were closed, his hair was straggly, an IV in his undamaged leg, and a clear plastic mask covered his mouth and nose. He was shirtless, and wore only a pair of cotton shorts, and a thin blanket. Dan sat motionless and ran his eyes over Phil’s body. Singed hair, bandages covering his neck, right shoulder, hands, forearms, right calf and stomach. His skin all over was pink and peeling, including the right half of his face. He cried softly for the pain his partner was in, and gingerly touched Phil’s hair, making sure not to hurt him. Dan sat at Phil’s bedside all morning. Nurses and doctors bustled in and out checking on Phil, eventually removing his mask, and changing his bandages, at which point Dan would go and get some coffee or water and pace around, or talk with Phil’s family. It wasn’t until midday, when Dan was dozing off in his chair, that Phil’s eyes fluttered open and started to tear up.

          “Dan?” Phil whispered anxiously, causing Dan to bolt upright.

          “Yes, yes I’m here. I’m here.” Dan assured. Phil began to hyperventilate and cry softly. “Are you in pain? Do you need me to get a nurse, babe?” Phil shook his head. “Are you scared?”

          “Yeah” Phil choked out, shaking.

          “I’m here baby, I’ve got you” Dan kissed Phil’s uninjured cheek, and ran his fingers through Phil’s messy, burnt hair. “You had an accident, but it’s okay now, they’re taking care of you.” Unable to move, Phil settled into Dan’s caresses. His crying faded into sniffling, but his eyes were wide and his muscles tense. Dan called for a nurse.

          “Ah, he’s awake now.” remarked the old, thin nurse as she entered the room. “What’s the matter, Phil?” She asked concernedly noticing Phil’s pale complexion and puffy eyes. “Are you in pain?” Phil had trouble getting out words.

          “He’s frightened… I think he’s having a panic attack.” answered Dan, wiping away Phil’s tears. The nurse delicately checked Phil’s pulse and breathing. Phil felt cold and numb, as though he were paralyzed. He remembered the fire like a horrible nightmare. He wanted to scream and cry and curl up into a ball, but he couldn’t.

          “Phil, everything is all right. I’m going to get you another blanket, and we’ll have a counselor come speak to you ,okay?” Phil nodded, and the nurse made her exit.

          “I know you’re scared baby, but you’re so brave.” Dan whispered, smiling gently.

          “I know… I-I love you.” Phil said weakly, eyes half closed. The nurse returned with a heavy blanket, which she carefully spread over Phil’s body. Dan mouthed a “thank you” as Phil relaxed slightly. The nurse smiled and quietly left them alone.

          “I’m gonna go get your family now okay?” Dan asked, standing up to leave. “They’re just outside. I’m going home for a few hours, but I’ll be right back.”

          “Can you call them on your phone?” Phil asked, voice muffled beneath his blanket. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

          “Not even for a minute?” Dan asked with a sad smile.

          “No” breathed Phil tiredly.

          “Of course, baby.” Dan agreed.


	2. The Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coping poorly with the trauma he faces from the fire, Phil speaks with a counselor, and misses Dan. Dan hurts for Phil, and resolves to stay by his side to help him through his anxiety.

          Dan drove back to the flat and collapsed onto his bed without unpacking from his visit home. Exhausted, he slept for three hours, waking at four in the afternoon. Phil’s mother had texted Dan to tell him they were leaving for home at five, and that Phil wanted him to return as soon as possible. Dan put his shoes back on, and made himself a sandwich. He was very hungry as he had forgotten to eat all day. Dan was worried about Phil’s emotional state. As soon as he regained consciousness he went into shock. He looked so terrified and vulnerable, and he could hardly speak.

          Dan walked into the hallway and looked at the spot where the fire brigade had broken down Phil’s door, and saved his partner’s life. He took a deep breath and walked through the doorless door frame.

* * *

          “Can you describe how you’re feeling right now Phil?”

          “I don’t know… Scared? I guess… Tired too.”

          “That’s understandable, Phil. A near death experience can be difficult to process emotionally. You’ve been crying? Feeling tense?” the counselor asked kindly.

          “Yes… “ Phil admitted drowsily. The overweight, blonde woman nodded and wrote quickly on her clipboard.

          “The psychiatrist said you dozed off and woke up having a nightmare?”

          “Yes…” “Can you tell me about that?”

          “It was, you know, I thought I was back, you know like, in the…” Phil trailed off, becoming tense. The woman raised her eyebrows signalling Phil to continue, but he had gone mute.

          “The fire, Phil?” Phil nodded. He was tired from the painkillers and anti-anxiety meds he had been given. The low dose of sedatives was supposed to take a bit of the edge off, but mostly made him sleepy. “Would you like to rest now? We can speak again later if you need.” The counselor asked softly.

          “Please” Phil breathed. His eyes were closed and his left, less damaged, arm clutched his blanket firmly. The woman left the room quietly, and Phil’s family reentered to say goodbye for the night, and tell him Dan was on his way. Dan. The thought of Dan’s beautiful smile and gentle kisses brought a little smile to Phil’s own face, which tugged at his burnt skin. Phil was anxious to be alone but was comforted by counting down minutes of the nine minute drive Dan was making at this moment. Phil clutched his blanket tighter and drifted into a light doze.

* * *

 

          Dan brushed crumbs off of his lips and somberly stared at the damage. The room had been cleaned up to some extent, but the walls and carpet surrounding Phil’s bed were charred. Phil’s bed sheets, mattress, pillows, dressing gown, and pajamas had been discarded along with his bedside table. The landlord had told Dan he’d be replacing the carpet, and repairing the walls, and sent his best to them both. Dan’s eyes watered imagining what had happened here. Phil could have died alone and terrified. He thanked god that Phil’s adrenaline had kicked in and allowed him to fight rather than freeze, and put out the small fire. He understood now why Phil was so scared to be alone.

          Dan took the gengar off of Phil’s shelf, and a pillow from his own room to give Phil a bit of home. Phil’s mother texted Dan again to tell him that Phil would be staying in the hospital for at least a few more days, and that they suspect he is dealing with post traumatic stress. Dan hurt for Phil. He wanted to help as much as he could but he didn’t know how. Packing his laptop, tooth brush, and a change of clothes in a backpack, Dan resolved to spend the night by Phil’s side, if it was all he could do to help.


	3. Post Traumatic Stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan soothes Phil during a nightmare, and stays by his side all night. Phil is discharged from the hospital, and suffers flashbacks and self consciousness at home.

(Friday)

_Phil awoke in agony as the flames spread across his duvet and engulfed his body. The smoke detector was blaring a shrill warning as he bolted upright._

“Phil! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Dan panicked drowsily as he was startled awake by Phil’s sudden jerking movements and terrified cries. Phil didn’t answer, he just shook and cried. A tall male nurse swiftly arrived and checked Phil’s heart rate. Dan watched as Phil laid helplessly crying, lips trembling, and shaking slightly now.

“Can you rate your pain out of ten?”

“Th-three.”

“Only three.” the nurse repeated back. “Are you having anxiety, Phil?” Phil nodded, breathing jaggedly. “Was it a flashback? Or a nightmare?” Phil nodded again. The nurse guided Phil through some deep breaths, and after a few minutes he was calmer. To help him sleep more soundly, the nurse also offered Phil melatonin, which worked well, and quickly. 

Dan ran his fingers through Phil’s tangled mass of hair strewn over Dan’s pillow, and looked lovingly over Phil’s fragile, sweating form. He watched the rise and fall of Phil’s chest with each breath, and synced his own breathing to his partner’s. Dan slept the whole night in his chair, head leaning on a pillow on Phil’s bed, making sure he could hear every sound Phil made so he could wake up and take care of him, should he have another nightmare.

* * *

Phil’s burns began to heal slowly but surely, and by Wednesday his doctor informed him that he could be discharged. Phil’s parents had visited twice more, and Dan had rarely spent a night at home, editing their most recent video in the cafe, and sleeping sitting upright in a chair, so all were relieved that Phil would return home. The doctor provided Dan and Phil with a detailed treatment plan in addition to his discharge information, and the pair got ready to leave.

Phil’s right shoulder bore the worst of the burns, and he found it easiest, with Dan’s help, to put on a zip up hoodie so he didn’t have to raise his arms, and loose fitting pajama pants so as to not irritate his leg. It worried Dan how withdrawn Phil had become. Nothing he could do could stop Phil’s nightmares, and Dan was deeply bothered by Phil’s new muteness. In the hospital Dan would speak softly to Phil, usually with no audible reply, but the silence was filled with movies, youtube videos, and the sounds of soft kisses and and sleepy breaths. Phil had survived the fire, but his presence was ghostly.

Strong enough now to walk, Phil held Dan’s hand gently as they made their way to the car.

“Dan?” Phil asked, stopping suddenly as they approached Dan’s car.

“Yes?” Dan answered, taken aback.

“What do I look like?”

The question surprised Dan. It hadn’t occurred to him that Phil might be self conscious, or that he had not seen his reflection in a week. The truth was that Phil was beautiful. His brilliant blue eyes contrasted with his patchy peach and crimson skin. The white bandage on his neck was stained yellow where his wounds were draining, and his black fringe was oily and uneven where it was burnt. He was the most beautiful thing on Earth.

“Phil… you look… like yourself. You’re beautiful.” Dan answered softly.

“You’re sure?” Phil mumbled.

“Of course I am. Oh, baby, come here.” Dan comforted. Dan held Phil tightly, leaning on the car door. “I love you, Philly.”

“I love you too.” murmured Phil into Dan’s shoulder. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

“Come on, you haven’t eaten all day.”

“I’ll have a coffee…” Phil answered, looking up at Dan from his dining room chair.

“Are you feeling okay?” Dan fussed.

“Nauseous… Nervous…”

Dan rubbed Phil’s back gently. Phil was told to make sure he was getting plenty of protein to help him regain strength, but his anxiety seemed to be dulling his appetite. Dan put the coffee on, and poured a small bowl of shreddies with almond milk.

“Try this, Philly.” Dan coaxed, setting the bowl down. “You need nutrition to heal.” He kissed Phil’s head.

“Thank you, babe” Phil replied, picking up his spoon. He appreciated his partner’s concern so greatly. If it wasn’t for Dan, he didn’t know how he would cope with his pain.

_… in a rush of adrenaline, smothered the flames with pillows, blankets, and clothing, burning his hands and arms further… Heart racing and in absolute agony…_

Phil took a sharp breath, and closed his eyes.

“Do your hands hurt, hunny?” Dan asked turning from the coffee pot.

“No, no, Danny. I’m just… processing.”

Dan nodded understandingly, and rubbed Phil’s back again as he set a cup of coffee by the cereal. Phil looked at his hands.

_… burning his hands and arms further… absolute agony…_

The last thing they did was hurt thanks to the nerve damage he had suffered, but he also found them difficult to use as he was not adjusted to the lack of sensation. Despite his mangled hands and nauseous stomach, Phil let Dan care for him, and slowly finished the bowl. When he looked up, Phil looked straight into two sparkling brown heart eyes.

“What’s this?” Phil chuckled softly.

“Just enjoying the view.” Dan teased, leaning in for a kiss. “Blech, you taste like instant coffee.”

Phil laid his head sideways on the table, and smiled, admiring his beautiful partner. He was so lucky.


	4. The Fire Roars On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil suffers intense flashbacks and a major panic attack. Dan cares for Phil, and cries for Phil’s loss of happiness.

(Wednesday Evening)

          The pitter patter of water and Dan’s low hum echoed from the shower in the bathroom as Phil looked up from his video game, and out into the hallway.

_“Don’t go into your room yet, Philly. It’s just that the… fumes won’t be good for you. We’ll wait until the guy comes to patch up the walls and carpet, and in the meantime we’ll order new sheets and pillows and the like, okay?”_

         Phil rose slowly from the sofa and walked out into the hallway. He gazed fixedly at his door frame which Dan had patched with a tarp, and then down at his torso, which was bare, save for the bandages on his abdomen.

_“I’ll be back soon, just ah, don’t get hurt whilst I’m gone, babe”_

         He listened for Dan’s humming, which had turned into singing, and breathed deeply. In one slow peel, Phil pulled the tarp off of the door frame, leaving strips of masking tape in its wake. He slowly stepped forward and faced the scene of the accident.

* * *

         Dan tied one towel around his waist, and fluffed up his hair with another. He wiped the fog from the mirror with his forearm and laughed lightly at his reflection. Slipping into his boxer briefs, half-naked, damp haired Dan shuffled into the hallway to see the tarp had been removed from Phil’s doorway.

* * *

          _… the flames spread across his duvet and engulfed his body. The smoke detector was blaring a shrill warning as he bolted upright, and, in a rush of adrenaline, smothered the flames with pillows, blankets, and clothing, burning his hands and arms further…_

         Phil began to hyperventilate, and cry uncontrollably. It really happened, so why did it feel like a terrible nightmare? His hands were numb, but his mind was absolutely tortured. Knees buckling, Phil ripped the bandages desperately from his hands and forearms, using his teeth at first to free his fingernails, and then scratching away at the rest. He scratched the bits of gauze which had adhered to his wounds, and blood began to trickle from his arms and hands. Phil lost all control of his body; he fell to his knees, and convulsed with every sob. He sweated from the heat of the flames. The fire wasn’t out: it roared in his mind.

_… Heart racing and in absolute agony, Phil collapsed onto his bedroom floor…_

* * *

        “Phil!” Dan cried as he burst, still dripping wet, into the bedroom. Phil’s delicate figure was shaking in a barely conscious heap in the middle of the charred bedroom carpet, and the wounds on his hands were forming a small pool of blood. Dan bolted across the room, lifted his beautiful angel into his arms, and, nearly blinded by his own tears, carried him swiftly to the kitchen.

        Propped up in a dining chair, arms up to his elbows in cool running water, Phil began to regain his awareness of the present moment. Dan shushed Phil, and stroked his hair as he cried. He had to be strong for his love. Turning off the tap, Dan took Phil’s right arm into his hands and examined the damage. Dear god, this was what the love of his life had become. Dan held back tears as he wrapped the mutilated limb in clean bandages. Phil sat unmoving, eyes closed, submitting to Dan’s care. Where had his happy Philly gone? The one who made silly animal noises, loved sweets, and had more enthusiasm than anyone Dan had ever met. Suddenly Dan couldn’t be strong. Still holding Phil’s bandaged hand, Dan fell to his bare knees and tears streamed silently from his eyes.

        “Danny… “ Phil whispered.

        “I-I love you s-so much Phil.” Dan choked, tears running down his collar bones and dripping onto his thigh.

        “I’m sorry… “ Phil replied simply, now only sniffling a little.

        “Don’t be, baby. We’re going to get through this.” Dan assured. He wiped away his tears, and Phil’s, stood up, and sniffed. “Give me your other arm now, please.”


	5. Slow And Steady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil feels like he is losing himself to his anxiety and desperately tries to pull himself out of it. Dan can see Phil coming back to life, but there are still some insecurities he needs to come to terms with.

(Wednesday night)

          Phil cuddled close to Dan in bed, Dan absentmindedly stroking the bandages on Phil’s shoulder in his sleep. Phil, however, was awake. He was drowsy from the warmth of his partner, and the medication Dan had coaxed him to take, but he could not stop thinking about where the old Phil had gone. Why did he cry every time he thought of the fire? It was an accident. He had nothing to fear now. He was safe. Dan stirred, and held Phil closer, making little grunting noises and breathing slowly and deeply. Phil was safe. So why did he feel so terribly insecure?

* * *

         Dan stretched as he awoke Thursday morning, and opened his eyes to see the absence of Phil. His eyes widened as he remembered the pool of blood on Phil’s bedroom floor. Dan quickly rolled out of bed and shuffled into the hall, where he found the tarp was still taped over the door frame as he had replaced it the night before. He exhaled deeply.

         “Dan?” Phil called from the kitchen.

         Dan smiled. “Philly?”

         “I was trying to bring you breakfast in bed.” Phil explained as Dan walked into the messy kitchen.

         “Caught you.” Dan grinned. Phil looked so much more alive this morning, and Dan couldn’t stop smiling. He watched Phil pour cereal into bowls and brew tea, sticking his tongue out in concentration, as his hands were bandaged and stiff. Phil hummed off key and padded around the kitchen in slippers and pajama pants. “Do you want to film today?” Dan asked finally.

         Phil stopped. “Sure, why not?” Dan was looking at him expectantly. “What?” he asked.

         “The burns, Phil.” Dan elaborated. “Are you okay with filming like this? I know you tweeted about the accident, but nobody has seen you…”

         “Does it look… Awful?” Phil asked, energy draining.

         Dan panicked; Phil sounded like a scared, vulnerable ghost again. “No, baby… I just wasn’t sure if you wanted to do this yet or not.”

         “I do.” Phil breathed.

         “Come here.” Dan coaxed. “I love you, Philly.” he said warmly as he pulled Phil into his arms, and rested his head on his undamaged shoulder.

         “You too, baby bear.” Phil whispered, running his rough fingers through Dan’s curls, wishing he could feel.

* * *

         Phil winced, and nearly fell off his perch on the edge of the bathtub, as Dan put the wound cleaning solution on his shoulder, he still had some feeling there.

         “Just a moment, hunny.” Dan assured. He placed the large pad over the worst of the burn. The skin graft was healing, and the stitches would have to come out soon. He taped the pad down, and wrapped the gauze around his upper arm, shoulder, and across his chest. “Hands look good… let me do your neck.” He cleaned, and bandaged the wound without wrapping it.

         Phil smiled softly as he watched Dan fix him. How gently he worked at cleaning and wrapping the wounds to his stomach and calf. Dan grunted as he stood.

         “All done now.” He caressed Phil’s burnt right cheek. “You look beautiful, like a painting.” Dan observed. The peachy discoloration to his forehead and cheek faded as it traveled across Phil’s pale face in patches.

          “Stop it. Don’t be so kind.” he giggled.

          “I will be kind.” Dan answered, kissing Phil’s forehead slowly.

         “Could you trim my hair?” Phil requested, craving Dan’s loving touch. “I want it more even.”

         “Why certainly.” Dan giggled.

* * *

         Phil rinsed the trimmings out of his hair and blew it dry. Dan had expertly cut out all the damaged hair, leaving it quite short, but looking all right.

         “It looks better now, I think. Am I camera ready?” he teased.

         Dan chuckled. “You like it? I didn’t really know what I was doing.”

         “Anything is better than how it was Danny, and I don’t mind you seductively stroking my head. In fact why don’t you keep cutting?” he flirted jokingly, pulling Dan close.

         “Phil! You mad lad.” Dan laughed, embracing his partner. “Let me help you dress and we’ll go film.”

* * *

         They filmed an episode of the Sims series for about an hour, and spent the afternoon in the lounge whilst two men repaired Phil’s bedroom wall, and another replaced half of his carpet. Phil had been lively during the filming, but was now lying on the couch watching Dan edit.

         “I was thinking of asking Louise to visit tonight.” Dan mentioned. “Are you up for it?”

         Phil was quiet. Looking at himself laughing on Dan’s computer screen was almost surreal. He wasn’t sure he was ready for anyone to see him, especially in person. He felt like a walking reminder of the accident, and he knew it wouldn’t improve much when the wounds turned into scars.

         “I don’t think I’m ready, bear… “ Phil mumbled, still staring at the happy boys on the screen.

         “It’s okay,” Dan comforted. “Slow and steady.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr! spicydanhowell.tumblr.com


	6. Let's Do This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil continues to feel scared and vulnerable, but feels more like his normal self every day thanks to a special gnome, Daniel Howell.

(Thursday Night)

          Phil watched the Sims video back twice after it was uploaded. Dan had played with the lighting during filming, and filters during editing, making Phil’s skin look much healthier. He had kept his arms down during filming to hide his hands, which looked a bit unnatural, but not bad. Phil sighed as the video ended for the second time.

         “Phil,” Dan moaned sleepily, face pressed into a pillow. “Go to sleep, it’s late.” It was nearing 1 am, and Phil was still sat up in bed. “I need cuddles.” Dan moaned, eyes still closed and making grabbing gestures with his hands.

         Phil exhaled and shut his laptop, placing it on the floor. Dan moved to hold Phil as he lied down, but Phil nudged Dan to roll over so he could do the holding. Dan grinned from ear to ear and relaxed into Phil’s arms. “You smell amazing.” Phil whispered.

         “You do.” Dan breathed, soaking up Phil’s warmth.

         Phil closed his eyes and stared at the bright specks that formed behind his eyelids from the bright computer screen. His heart began to race as he saw his burning duvet, and heard the shrill cry of the smoke detector.

         “Phil!” Dan cried, suddenly awake and turning on the light. Phil was sweating, and breathing hard and fast. “It’s okay, you’re safe, I’ve got you.” Phil froze. His breathing steadied and his eyes widened as he looked around the bedroom. Dan was squinting from the brightness, eyebrows raised in concern.

         Abruptly, Phil began to cry. Why did this keep happening? The fire had gone out a week ago, so why did he feel like he was still on fire?

         Dan shushed Phil as he stroked his fine black hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” he whispered, looking down at his partner’s shaking form. Phil sniffed, and awkwardly raised himself to a seated position.

         “I’m okay. I am.” he breathed. They took some deep breaths together, and gazed into each other’s eyes. “I’m exhausted.” Phil said, breaking the silence. He reached into the drawer of the bedside table and took a melatonin tablet. He offered the bottle to Dan, who refused.

         “I want to be able to wake up in case you do. Plus, I’m a melatonin factory right now.” Dan persuaded, with a convincing yawn. Phil yawned back. “Got you.” Dan teased. “You look like a lion when you yawn.”

         “Shush.” scolded Phil. “I’ve had enough of this.” he joked shoving a pillow in Dan’s face.

         “Oi!” whined Dan, laughing. “Go to sleep.” He turned off the light, and took Phil into his arms. “I’ve got you, Philly. Everything is okay.” They repeated the mantra slowly back and forth until they fell soundly asleep.

* * *

(Friday)

         “Go on. Have a look.” Dan coaxed eagerly. Phil uncovered his eyes, and found he was standing in the doorway of his room. A new door was intact, along with new carpet, fresh paint, and a vibrant set of sheets on the bed. Stuffed animals sat gathered at the head of the bed in front of the carefully arranged pillows, including some new ones which he didn’t recognize. “You like?” Dan asked, leaning on the door frame faux-casually. Phil was silent. “Go on. It’s just like it used to be.” Phil turned and looked into Dan’s eyes and smiled.

         “I love it, bear.” He pulled Dan into a tight hug and shed a single tear, pulled back, and kissed Dan abruptly. Dan jumped onto the bed, catapulting stuffed animals to the floor. Phil laughed and did the same but more delicately, minding his wounds. They kissed passionately, Phil lying on his back, and Dan leaning over him, until Phil pushed him down with playful force and switched positions. Dan blushed. Phil’s face was so close as he couldn’t lean on his hands, and opted instead to lean on his elbows. Phil bit Dan’s lip and kissed down his neck and chest.

         “Are you sure you’re ready?” Dan inquired. Phil made a vacuum on Dan’s neck, leaving a bright red bruise.

         “Absolutely” Phil replied.

* * *

(Thursday, one week later)

         Phil had had his stitches out. It was 2 weeks since his accident, and his wounds were nearly fully healed, forming elevated, pink scar tissue. His hands were unrecognizable, as he had not seen them unbandaged since the night he scratched them up. Dark pink scars had formed over the scratch wounds.

         “Look at you!” observed Dan, admiringly. “Look at those tough battle scars.” Phil only laughed nervously. He no longer had to wear bandages, and most of the skin of his hands had little to no tactile sensation.

         “I don’t feel tough…” Phil mumbled, looking at his unclothed form in the mirror. “I’m soft.” Dan gripped Phil’s shoulders.

         “You fought a _fire_ , Phil. You put out a fire on your own two weeks ago! That’s the bravest goddamn thing I’ve ever heard. You’re not a victim, Philly! You’re a survivor, a hero, even!” Dan proclaimed. “ _My_ hero…” he said more softly.

         Phil held his shoulders higher. “Hero…” he repeated softly. He looked at his reflection and saw not a fragile, thin boy, but a tough, lean man, who fought a fire and lived to tell the tale. “I was brave…” Phil realized. “I am brave!” he cried, voice cracking. He fell into Dan’s arms and they held each other firmly, not ever wanting to let go.

* * *

(Two weeks later)

         Phil combed his hair in the mirror; it was growing long now. He examined his outfit in the mirror, a bright blue shirt and black jeans, and decided it suited him. He hadn’t seen his youtube friends in over a month, and today was the day.

         “Phil!” called Dan, opening the bedroom door. “Everyone’s almost here, come out.”

         “I’m ready now,” Phil replied. “Let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr! spicydanhowell.tumblr.com


End file.
